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Kids & Moving |
"Children of different ages will have different reactions to a move," says
Dr. Joseph B. Keegan, a certified clinical psychologist. "What is important
to understand is the different age groups tend to miss different things.
Younger children tend to miss secure environments - such as church, school,
even their bedrooms. Older children - especially teenagers - tend to miss
their friends and others in the community with whom they developed
relationships.
First and foremost, you should tell your children about the move as soon as
possible. A child shouldn't overhear news by accident.
"For a child," notes Dr. Keegan, "much of the stress is associated with
moving relates to dealing with the unknown. Given this, it's important for
you to talk to your children about the move. Share the details that you
think they can understand, encourage their questions, and listen to what
they have to say."
Also involve your children in all aspects of your relocation. If possible,
bring them with you on house-hunting trips; if not, photograph or videotape
the house that you select, as well as the neighborhood and new school.
Allow your children to participate in planning the move. "When possible,"
suggests Dr. Keegan, "ask your children to perform small jobs that are
age-appropriate and that can often be made enjoyable."
For example, you might consider asking your children for their input
regarding the decor and the layout of their new rooms. And let them pack a
box or two of their toys, games, and other personal belongings.
Dr. Keegan also advises that you encourage to take the time to say good-bye
to their friends and maintain ties by having them exchange address and
telephone numbers. A letter or phone call from an old friend can go a long
way toward boosting the spirits of anyone, especially a child - in a strange
new community.
Provide your children with a sense of continuity. If they're in scouts,
little league, or a school band or choir, for example, enroll them in the
same or similar activities in the new community as soon as possible.
With respect to the quality of your children's education in the community,
don't be afraid to contact teachers and principals at prospective schools.
You have every right to inquire about average test scores, attendance rates,
special programs, teacher/student ratio, extracurricular activities, etc.
For high schools, ask about accreditation and the percentage of students
continuing on to college.
While many parents consider the summer months to be the best time to
relocate to avoid disrupting their children's education, many families
who've moved before have moved learned that there are definite advantages to
moving during the school year.
If you arrive in a new community during the summer, your likely to find that
organized activities are already under way, and it may be too late for your
children to participate. Often, too, neighborhood kids are on vacation or
away at camp during the summer, making it difficult to make new friends
immediately. And at the beginning of the school year, teachers may not have
the extra time to pay attention to the needs of the "new kid at school".
When a child transfers during the school year, however, teachers and
students have already overcome those "back to school" transitions, and
teachers have more time to spend to help orient the transferred child to his
of her new school. Transferring during the school year also provides your
child with much better means of meeting other children. Finally, your child
benefits by getting into a daily routine of school and related activities.
Dr. Keegan notes that, although a move can be stressful, most children
adjust quite well within a very short period time. "However," he warns,
"don't overlook some of the warning signs that may indicate that a child is
having difficulty adjusting. If your child has difficulty sleeping, is
irritable or has outbursts of anger, it may be useful to seek the advice of
your pediatrician or other professional."
Overall, the single most important factor that determines how well a child
copes with a move is the parents' attitude. If Mom and Dad position the
relocation as an exciting adventure - if they focus on the opportunities for
the entire family - children will be far more likely to accept the situation
in a positive manner.
